9.18.2011

Stretched.

Lately, I've felt stretched out. Do you ever feel that way?

Like if I were to tether my left hand to Pike's Place Market in Seattle, and my right hand to a palm tree in Miami, I could easily give the U.S. a hug. That's how stretched I feel.


Recently, my cousin/best friend since my paci days got married. It was the most magical wedding. And witnessing that magic gave me a myriad of feelings, but the main one was just wanting to constantly give her a hug because I love her so and am ecstatic about her new life change.


Then fire began to rampage Texas, and my desire to hug people now expanded to random, hurting strangers. It was hard to hug those fire victims all the way from Waco, but last weekend I was able do just a small of thing for them by bathing their displaced horses at a barn in Elgin.

My heart is just in a bunch of different places right now: with my cousin, with fire victims, with my family in Austin, with my church in Austin, and here at Baylor. I feel as though I'm wandering around my life's perimeters, leaving little pieces of myself everywhere, because I'm unsettled sitting in one place. I feel stretched. And it's hard, because I desire to be in every place at one time. I've never really felt like this before.

Stretched. Unsettled. Blah.

Well, here's this:
Many are the plans in a man's heart,
but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. 
Proverbs 19:21

Yes. There is no denying that I feel stretched right now. That I feel like (if only my 80 year old knees could hold out) I could run a marathon with my energy and desire to move around. 

Yet, there is purpose. There is purpose for where I am right now. Wanting to hug people is no bad thing- truly not a bad plan for my heart. But it is the Lord's purpose that prevails

Sit. Stay. Embrace the purpose. 

8.29.2011

I changed my major! ...the first day of my senior year of college.

Yes. I truly did change my major on the first day of my senior year of college. And yes, I am crazy.

You see, I had the best summer a girl could ask for: living in Austin, being around dear friends and family, and interning in the youth group at my church. And while being in Austin with people I love was marvelous, it was the interning thing that kind of made me lose my mind last Monday.

My former major, Secondary English Education, is a fantastic one. No doubt. Yet all summer I had been feeling unsettled about interning in a school my senior year.. almost dreaded it. Your senior year of college shouldn't be approached with dread, right? That's the first thought that lead me to pondering a major change from education to English.

Don't be fooled by that "pondering" though, because what began as a slight "pondering" soon turned into an evil, all consuming worry and anxiety as the possibility of a major change became real. I cannot recall a time in my life when I have been more stressed than I was that weekend. I think I'd already blocked this out, but my mom recently reminded me that I told her I felt physically ill during those two days. Also, I cried. I NEVER cry. But I sure did that weekend. A lot. I cried in my room. In the car. On the phone. In the advisor's office. In my kitchen. On campus. In my car again. It was hideous. I was a wreck.

Well, fast-forward to Monday afternoon (post crying, stress attacks, and millions of conversations with my parents and advisors). Now I find myself in my room confiding in my dear friend and roommate, Laura.

She came in, sat on the ground, and just asked me what I was feeling. In a moment of rare clarity, I was able to press out a sentiment that I'd been seeking to find all weekend: "Laura, I would rather work at a church than at a school. Yes. Anywhere I am, any state or city, I would rather look for a job in a church. I like teaching English, but I love working at the church."

After that moment I knew I was done trying to figure out what to do. I was able to confidently speak my heart, and that was the deciding factor. So, I breathed the biggest sign of peace and followed through with my crazy. I disappointed a lot of fellow education majors and advisors, and officially became an English major... the first day of my senior year of college.

And I've never felt so free

I went from fear and confusion to freedom and peace. In all those days of stress, thought, prayer, and crying, I kept hearing from God to simply trust Him and to not be afraid. But I was so confused because I didn't know what to trust him with: To trust him with my fear of interning at the school and stay in the practical major? Or to trust him in this desire to change my major and follow through with the crazy idea?

Turns out God wanted me to trust him with the crazy. And the moment I did, I felt genuine peace. It was a hard, ugly process of getting over my fear, but I am still reaping the results. Apparently, following God doesn't always come with the assurance of a good road map. Sometimes you may have to jump out there to find where He's leading you. But once you jump, you land in the peace and joy of knowing that your times are in his hands and He knows plans He has for you.




5.05.2011

Doing the stanky leg alone in my room.

At 5:00 on this blessed and glorious day of Cinco de Mayo, I will officially be a senior in college.

First, WHAT THE TAFT?

Second, this reality has caused me to burst into sporadic and uncontrollable dance spasms- whether others are watching or not.

Because you see, I have many reasons to be ecstatic about summer 2011:

  • I've been dreaming of summer since October when I first started praying to be a summer intern in my church's youth group. And PTL, an intern in the youth group I shall be!
  • I get to taft with my family. Every. Stinking. Day. 
  • I will be in Austin. 
  • My favorite people will all be in Austin and I have no doubts that the fun we shall have will be utterly insane. (Shout out to my girlzies Shmeeg and Rodham!!)
  • I have been doing school non-stop since August of 2009. Yes, summer 2010 was mainly a blissful few months spending quality time at good old ACC Northridge campus. And 15 credit hours later, I'm happy I did it. But there's also no way to describe how excited I am for a school-free summer.
Summer is just magical. It is my favorite time of year. And I am not holding back my joy that in 8 hours and 43 minutes it shall be here!

So, back to packing, studying, cleaning, and doing the stanky leg alone in my room.

5.01.2011

What an adventure.

I read all day yesterday. Literally. I didn't even change out of my pajamas. Seriously. Now I give you a moment to laugh... Done?... Ok, I shall continue.

I was reading the second book of The Hunger Games series, Catching Fire. Seeing as how I started and finished the book within a 26 hour period, obviously I hated it.

Go get this book. Now.. Wait, finish reading this blog then go get this book.  

There is something to be said about getting lost in adventure. Whether it be something totally fiction, like The Hunger Games, or something that could possibly happen to you and me, like Twilight, I believe we all have a little thirst for adventure in our own lives, which is probably why I woke up this morning feeling nostalgic about finishing Catching Fire (but PTL, there's a third one). I wished the adventure wouldn't end. I wanted to keep soaking up the purpose and earnest that the characters live off of in the book. Maybe I even want to replicate that in my own life: fast-paced, purposeful action towards something vastly important. (Side note: I hope the Twilight joke made you laugh, because I typed it and giggled for about 10 minutes.)

Well, as I said, I woke up this morning with a Catching Fire hangover and went back to normal routine: wash face, get coffee, light candle, and plop down at desk with Bible and journal.

Then I read this:

"For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."
Colossians 1:13&14

My brain froze for a moment as God spoke to me: "Emily, you are LIVING the adventure of salvation. I RESCUED you from evil and have brought you into my Kingdom. I conquered darkness, the greatest villain of all time, and now you have earnest purpose to LIVE."

We are living an adventure! We are the weak who have been redeemed by a true Savior. He overcame the world, and now our earnest purpose for living is to tell everyone about grace, to live for Him, to and to seek out the weak and give them a hope for living.

How much more of an adventure could we ask for? 


Be invigorated today- catch fire!



4.27.2011

Whoa.

Last night, my change from "I'm scared" to "I fear" was insanely fast. Almost impressive, really. 

I believe the precise moment of the shift occurred when the windows of my house glowed an electric purple to match the piercing clap of thunder and the howling winds outside that were sweeping away anything not held fast to the ground. It was then that every trace of my resolve to be calm in this storm was swept away. I wound up in my bathroom with survival supplies: Bible, phone, laptop. 


I've never been good at storms. But this was no regular storm. It was a tornado - a full fledged, evil, spiraling hater that is unpredictable, destructive and potentially lethal. And I REALLY don't do tornadoes. 


This was a literal faith exercise for me, because, honestly, I truly do not suffer from fear that often. Sure, I worry, get anxious, all that jazz. Fear, however, is something I rarely face. 


So I'm sitting in my bathroom, texting my parents, praying, flipping between Twitter and Facebook for tornado updates, when I get a text from a sweet friend (another tornado fearer). Her message was simple: "It helps!" But the other words she included sent a river of peace through my tense, tornado-fearing body. They were the words from Mark 4: 35-40...

The disciples were with Him as He slept in the boat, when a furious squall came, 
and the waves broke over the boat...
They woke him, saying "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?!"
He got up, rebuking the winds and waves, saying "Quiet! Be still!" He then said to the disciples, 
"Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

Whoa. I'd never seen the metaphor in that passage until I was in a literal storm clinging to those words. 


In any struggle, any hardship, any confusion, any disturbance of peace, Jesus is there and totally capable of providing safety... though the ship may rock and shake, though things may look bleak. 

Why are we so afraid? Why do we still, even having witnessed all He has done, have no faith sometimes?

Oh, his patience with my floundering heart. What grace. What goodness.

 Whoa. 



4.21.2011

Reader(s) (hopefully (s)), meet my friend, Spoonie.

The precious face you see above belongs to my sweet, annoying, cheerful, loud, and definitely psychotic yellow lab, Mary Spoon Davis. I'll spare you the details of what insane lapse of thought drove us to name her "Mary Spoon," and hop right to why "Spoonie" fits her so well.

Spoonie is a weird name. It's ok to laugh/question/mock. I know it's strange. I've known it since 2006 when we deemed a 3 pound, helplessly sweet, painfully adorable puppy as "Mary Spoon." I cannot tell you how many times I've told people Spoonie's name and gotten one of the following responses:

A. "Why did you name your dog after a utensil?"
B. I'm sorry, did you say... "Spoon?"
C. "Well do you have a Fork also?"
D. "Hahahaha. Oh.. her name is actually Spoon?"
or the ever classic and frequent,
E. Blank stare and awkward silence.

All that to say, "Spoon" is a weird name. A random name. A weird word. A random word. These are both things that characterize my friend Spoonie: weird, random.

But "spoon" is also a happy word. Well, I think it is. And Spoon is certainly a happy girl. And she verbalizes that happiness probably 75% of her conscious hours... but really.
Shouting joy from the depths of her being.

I truly learn things from my weird, random, happy friend Spoon. I will share them with you at some point, dear reader(s) (please be (s)), but I just had to introduce my friend before I flooded you with tales of her insanity from which I actually glean great life lessons.


The Unnecessarily Awkward and Ridiculously Lopsided Adventures of Spoonie and Emily are forthcoming. Stay tuned. 


4.03.2011

Protaftination.

I have a Shakespeare test in the morning. So, naturally, I'm blogging it up right now. If you are also suffering from the "I-don't-want-to-do-this-I'd-rather-be-tased-than-do-this" blues, then here are 10 suggestions for temporarily avoiding what you will eventually get around to doing once you've hit rock bottom:

Pre-Game: Facebook/Twitter. Duh. This is the warm up to the true procrastination activities.

10. Text all your friends and in good humor tell them how much you don't want to work on what you're both supposed to be working on. Here's one of my conversations that made me feel better:

Me: Well, I have no idea what I'm doing. What are all these notes I took and have to learn, yet have no recollection of hearing in class? What the taft. I want to quit.
Friend: I wanted to quit before I started. Shakespeare should die. Oh, wait... 

9. http://www.sporcle.com - Goodness the games are addictive. And guilt-free, because many are educational.

8. Write a haiku. Here's mine:
Studying is hard.
I think I'd rather swallow
A full pint of lard.

7. Organize your desktop. If that's not time consuming enough, tackle your photo albums.

6. Time for YouTube. Catch up on all those trends you've heard so much about but haven't understood yet. PTL for this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRBLmogRL4c

5. Attempt to get back to work. This step is important because it proves how desperately you need to keep not doing what you ought to be doing. Confused by that last sentence? That makes two of us. Proof the procrastination is truly sinking in because if we were on top of our game we wouldn't have had to read that sentence like 6 times to get it (or still not get it). Rebound by sifting through Itunes and choosing some new music to listen to.

4. Plan out every outfit you will wear this week. Plan out every meal. Plan out when you'll work out. Schedule in a few moments of reason in which you may actually accomplish something this week.

3. Make a paper chain counting down the number of days left till summer.

2. Make a list about how to procrastinate and post it to a blog.

1. Rock bottom. Back to work.

3.29.2011

Confessions of a home-aholic.

Confession: I love home. I love everything about my home. My food. My room. My candles. My bed. My pictures. My books. Even the neglected pile of random papers that has accumulated on my desk. I. Love. Home. It is comfort, peace.

This past weekend I was invited to go on an overnight event in another city. It didn't know many people going. I didn't know the city. I didn't know the exact schedule. All things that add up to uncertainty.

Well, I went. It was a blast. There was endless laughter, frequent frolicking with new friends, and many hilarious attempts made by me and my date to creep in the back of as many random posed pictures as possible (we did marvelously at this, by the way).

Yet, in random quiet moments, I would sometimes find myself longing for the comfort of my home. To be away from the frothy fun social activity, the crisp clean hotel room, the irregular delicious food, and dropped safely back into the comfort zone of my room. Don't get me wrong, I had beyond a delightful time at this event. There were just random pangs of nostalgia for the niche of my normal environment.

When I finally did return from the sweet frivolity that can only be found in a large group of extremely endearing college students, I got to let down. I got to relish in the happiness that accompanies an anticipated reunion with familiarity.

Then I got to thinking. It is only flimsy happiness upon which I float right now, cheerfully reunited with my cozy home on 10th street. But oh, the joy that must await me at my true home. My real, eternal home. To be with my best friend, my comforter, my guide, my Father.

Though this world is full of beautiful things and people, it is our temporary home. A simple pit stop on the way to everlasting joy and comfort. Jesus is my home, and in him I find all comfort, purpose, peace, and meaning. Praise God that the joys to be found in his presence bear no flame to my room, my candles, my food, my house, and even that darn stack of papers that will never find a proper place.


Oh, home sweet home. 

3.20.2011

Your river carries me home.

There are few places I visit that never fail to bring me to the feet of God. But here is one of them:


A constant. Blessed Lake Austin.

There are things here that always profess to me the creativity and joyfulness of our sweet God: the sun, breeze, green water, leaves, the smells, the sounds. 

How can such cheerful peace be present in one place each time I'm there? Well, maybe because its not the place, but the Spirit that meets me there.

 All I know is that I cannot wait to go back. To sit by this river, to soak in the sweet sunshine, and to bask in the One who fills all my fountains.