Whoa.

Last night, my change from "I'm scared" to "I fear" was insanely fast. Almost impressive, really. 

I believe the precise moment of the shift occurred when the windows of my house glowed an electric purple to match the piercing clap of thunder and the howling winds outside that were sweeping away anything not held fast to the ground. It was then that every trace of my resolve to be calm in this storm was swept away. I wound up in my bathroom with survival supplies: Bible, phone, laptop. 


I've never been good at storms. But this was no regular storm. It was a tornado - a full fledged, evil, spiraling hater that is unpredictable, destructive and potentially lethal. And I REALLY don't do tornadoes. 


This was a literal faith exercise for me, because, honestly, I truly do not suffer from fear that often. Sure, I worry, get anxious, all that jazz. Fear, however, is something I rarely face. 


So I'm sitting in my bathroom, texting my parents, praying, flipping between Twitter and Facebook for tornado updates, when I get a text from a sweet friend (another tornado fearer). Her message was simple: "It helps!" But the other words she included sent a river of peace through my tense, tornado-fearing body. They were the words from Mark 4: 35-40...

The disciples were with Him as He slept in the boat, when a furious squall came, 

and the waves broke over the boat...

They woke him, saying "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?!"

He got up, rebuking the winds and waves, saying "Quiet! Be still!" He then said to the disciples, 

"Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

Whoa. I'd never seen the metaphor in that passage until I was in a literal storm clinging to those words. 


In any struggle, any hardship, any confusion, any disturbance of peace, Jesus is there and totally capable of providing safety... though the ship may rock and shake, though things may look bleak. 

Why are we so afraid? Why do we still, even having witnessed all He has done, have no faith sometimes?

Oh, his patience with my floundering heart. What grace. What goodness.

 Whoa.